The Art Of Detachment
Letting go seems like a pretty simple concept. So why do so many people feel like it's the most complicated thing in the world? Like they might die if they lose a certain object, amount of money, or person? I've been trying to explore this pattern of human nature, and I've come to a few realizations.
We as humans tend to attach ourselves to people, places, and objects easily.
Firstly, we attach ourselves to our identities. My name is JoAnne, for example. Let me go a bit further with it. My name is JoAnne and I'm a writer. My name is JoAnne and I'm a female writer. My name is JoAnne and I'm a female Puerto Rican writer on the topics of personal growth and spirituality. All the words I mentioned in that sentence are typically things that I could attach myself to: femininity, writing, Puerto Rican heritage, personal growth, spirituality, and of course my name.
I could use those words to describe myself because they could give people a sense of my identity. They tell people a little bit about what I do, my family's heritage, and what my interests may be. But do those interests make up all that I am? Are those the only topics I enjoy? Of course not. Those aren't even the topics I enjoy the most. It's impossible to describe to you any human's entire essence in one sentence - though many do try. We are not meant to be labeled, put in boxes, or defined. We are meant to transcend definitions. (Have I finally cracked the meaning of life? Haha)
Our identities or "ego" are what make us believe we need to attach ourselves to things. They want us to define ourselves by what we have, what we do, and who we interact with. The harm comes when we truly believe in these definitions. We believe that because we are so-and-so's "girlfriend or boyfriend" or "a partner in a prominent law firm" that it is now a part of our identity. These labels may make you feel secure and give you a sense of value for a time. But what happens when you can no longer be defined by them? Say you get broken up with or laid off from your job. What does that make you now?
"How can you get very far, if you don't know who you are?"
Benjamin Hoff, The Tao Of Pooh
The harm comes when we don't know who we are. And I'm not talking about all these materialistic labels society loves to force on us.
Depression can occur when someone is confused about who they truly are. They can then question the meaning of life, and the purpose of it. It becomes unhealthy when they begin to lose hope. However, there is a beauty in the process of rediscovering yourself, or even discovering yourself for the first time. That's when you begin to understand what you truly desire versus what your parents, relatives, siblings, friends, society etc. have been telling you that should want. That's when you take back your power.
Figuring out what we really want out of life can actually be challenging. For a lot of people, it can be daunting. In most cases, people decide what their life is going to be like in their twenties because they're pressured by society to do so. They're told at a certain age they should have their life together, get married, and possibly start a family, with a sturdy foundation for a successful career already built. Now imagine, they wake up one day in their forties and realize they are very unhappy, depressed, and now also unhealthy from the years of suppressing their true desires for happiness. They have lived someone elses' dream. The idea of starting over and beginning a whole new life based on what they actually want can be terrifying! But it's never too late.
A good first start is to think about what you love and write it down. Write about what you desire. Let the pen flow.
When you have a deep understanding of who you are, it cannot be swayed by the opinions of others. It cannot be defined by your attachments.
If someone scratched your new car that took you 10 years of savings to buy, how would you feel? If someone scratched your new car that was given to you that you also have 10 exact replicas of, how would you feel? Same car, same situation, different feeling. It's all about perspective. In the same sense, when you don't know yourself deeply, and don't see all the talent and potential you have inside, you will easily believe that you are only a combination of what is on the surface: the things you own, the places you're comfortable in, and the people you interact with. When you're attached and believe that these things are what makes up "you", that's when letting go of them is painful.
Who are you without all the things you own, your career, your money, your friends, your family, your gf/bf, wife/husband, children, house, apartment, hometown, country, continent, body, etc. Strip all of that down. Who are you without all of that? Who are you in your soul?
There's something there - a beautiful unique essence with a purpose, an essence that is so unconditionally loved.
Tap into this essence from time to time when you feel you are straying too much into material matters. When you lose something, tap into yourself. When you feel rejected or alone, tap into yourself. When you need to detach from ANYTHING, know that you can! Just remember that who you are is more than a body that owns a few things. When you truly know this, detaching will be effortless.