If You’re Dealing With Toxic Friendships…
People come into your life for a reason, sometimes for just a season. You have to know when to let go.
I thought I had escaped this idea of toxicity in friendships and left it long behind me when I moved from Florida to Los Angeles a couple of years ago. Then, once more when I got here and realized a few people close to me had toxic narcissistic tendencies. But even as I moved away from those people, I slowly realized that there was and is a certain level of toxicity in most (if not all) of my relationships.
I wanted to break it down and understand why that is. Now I see it could be a number of reasons.
REASON 1: I'm An Empath
Empaths have the ability to feel other peoples' emotions and can sometimes take on the burden of those emotions. Very often we take on these emotions unknowingly. Because of this we tend to attract people who need healing, whom in a lot of cases send toxic energies our way. Also, in social situations we can sense when we are being lied to or when someone doesn't like us. Let me just say, it's not great for the self-esteem. If you feel like you take on other peoples' energies and are exhausted after you've been around a lot of people, you may be an empath.
REASON 2: My Personal Issues Are Reflecting In Other People
Our 3D reality is just a giant mirror. What we feel on the inside is reflected onto what we perceive as "the outside world." In a sense, the toxicity I feel from others can just be my own issues that have yet to be dealt with internally. That may be why I attract these people because they bring out certain issues of my own that I fail to acknowledge and therefore have not healed.
REASON 3: There Is A Small Percentage Of People In This Society That Aren't Effected By Jealousy And Competition
In the age of Instagram followers and the like, of course the green monster of jealousy will rear its ugly head. In my experience, especially among women, we seem to want either to keep up or be better than the rest. I don't know why. I've been guilty of this too and it's something I can't seem to put my finger on. Maybe because of the scarcity mentality, inherently we believe there's not enough of the pie to go around. Whether that be money, good men, success, acknowledgement, friends, etc. But that's just not true. There is always enough for everyone. That's my new mentality as far as this goes. And maybe this mindset will help me to attract more people who feel the same way.
I could go on theorizing about the why forever, but I want to do something to change this an here are the action steps I'm taking. If you're in a similar situation, maybe you can try them with me.
1. Protect Your Energy
Important if you're an empath: Taking on peoples' emotions will drain your energy, especially if they are negative emotions. You can protect your energy with crystals like black tourmaline or obsidian, by envisioning a protective layer of white light over your aura or if you work with angels, by calling on an archangel for assistance. If you are less open to any of these options, then simply visualize a few dials in your mind and turn everyone's dial to off except the one labeled with your name. This will symbolize that you do not consent to taking on anyone one else's emotions at this time. Repeat as much as needed. These are just a few options of many. I may write more on this topic in the future.
2. Heal Your Past Pains And Traumas
Hurt people hurt people. If you want to be sure you aren't projecting a negative mindset onto other people, it's important to heal yourself from the trauma that is keeping you in a negative state of mind. As within, so without. When you're unhealed you may tend to lean on harmful habits like talking people down, judging, getting into heated arguments, and gossiping. These habits didn't seem harmful to you at the time because they made you feel better about yourself. You may not have even noticed you did these things because when we feel bad, all we focus on is feeling better no matter the cost. It's okay. We're human. Once you start to see some of your own habits that may be toxic, that's when you've identified what you need to heal and then the healing can begin. For this I would recommend shadow work, hypnotherapy, and/or guided healing meditations. You can easily find these for free on Youtube if you type something like "meditation for healing past trauma."
3. Cut Out Energy Vampires
This is a tough one that I'm guilty of constantly avoiding. Really tune into how you feel in the company of the people you surround yourself with. How do they make you feel? Do they listen to you? Do they genuinely support you and even your craziest ideas? Are they happy that you're happy? Do they wish to see you succeed? Do they always lift you up and never tear you down? Do they only speak kind words about you when you're not around? These should all be yes right away. You don't have time for these people if not. You're too busy manifesting your dreams. This is called loving yourself. You have to love yourself first. I know its painful to lose someone you care about, but you may both be better for it. And if you're thinking that maybe you've been the energy vampire all along, don't beat yourself up because there's always room to learn and grow. That's what life's about. Be willing to change and take baby steps.
4. Trust And Use Your Intuition And Discernment
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Your intuition is your best friend. It's your higher self warning you and protecting you from danger. If you sense that someone isn't looking out for your greatest good or that you're being taken advantage of... run baby run. Run for the hills. Don't blame the person. They probably have no idea they are giving off these vibes, but there is probably a part of their subconscious that could be harmful to you; a part of them they don't even recognize. This is the shadow side. Until people take care of their shadow sides, it's perfectly okay to protect yourself. You can still care for them, pray for them, and love them from a distance. You, however, must show them how to treat you. Set your boundaries. It's self-love after all.